AW Memorial Holey Board Tourament

Just When I Thought I Was Out… They Pull Me Back In

Chris Kirchner & Spencer Malone-White After the 2018, championship Harry asked the world “Is there anyone else?” For a whole year Spencer and Chris woke up at 4am to be the answer to that question. And in 2019 they answered with a resounding YES. Now they return as the reigning champions. Our scouts say that these two each bring a unique skill set to the game. While Spence prefers to unload bombs at the five holes, Chris lives by the “Establish the Three” mindset. Versatile, consistent, and dangerous are the best descriptors for the champs. People close to the champs tell us that since we last saw them, they both obtained a degree from a place of higher education and independently decided to move back to the LA area and are spending time training together to get their chemistry ready for a chance to capture a third straight finals appearance and a consecutive championship. To beat these two, we are told that a team will have to jump out to a quick lead and when the winning chance appears it must be taken. “Spencer and Chris are the complete team. Every toss is calculated and is attacked. They’ve seen the best and beaten the best. They’ve really grown up in this game together, on and off the boards. And usually when skill meets chemistry we are in the presence of greatness.” Scouts say that a deep run is expected, and Spencer and Chris will put up a great title defense.

Whoopass…We’re Back

Harry Whitson & Adam Prohaska

Your Ass Is Grass

Jennifer Prohaska & Lara Hodges Probably the shortest combined team to enter this tournament. Nevertheless, they more than make up for it with feisty energy and disarming charisma. Let this be your warning that these two will get into your head quickly, make you feel great about yourself, and then proceed to make your ass grass. Our scouts have seen them often this spring and summer at many a backyard toss sessions and we know firsthand they have leveled up since the last time you’ve seen them play. They are capable tossers at all three levels and thrive off the energy that the tournament brings. Recently we spotted Lara getting some pointers from the Queen of the Boards, and she’s finally found a shot that will allow her to take the game “a little more serious.” (Her real words). She went on to tell us, “We will still bring the flare!” In her spare time from being a nurse, Jennifer is really getting out there and practicing as often as possible. We’ve had some top scouts lose to her recently and they assure us that level of play will be at the tournament. However, we can only wonder if her mind is one another challenge when she told us, “We are going to kick ass but also win the costume contest.” Frankly, we didn’t know a costume contest existed. We like these two to bring high energy and excitement to their games.

Clan Inebriated

Mary Malone-White & Robin Kirchner If you were thinking the only Kirchner-Malone-White combo in this tournament was going to be the reigning champs, then you’ll be surprised to know that you’ll also have to get past their mothers. Given the chance to force every matchup to use the home board advantage rule, to win on the road versus these two you would have to get past the iconic bedazzled washers. Upon the completion of a few major life events - deciding to call it a career and becoming the mother-in-law to the great Kathrine - Robin is “Out to take this tournament and capture the magic of Chris and Spencer. She’s been trying new forms out, her toss, and it seems to be paying off. She’s had some major life experiences and that is really being expressed in her play style,” scouts at training camp say. Mary meanwhile has really found the range in her recent outings and has put up some great rounds in preparation after taking some reflection time out in New Orleans and Colorado this past year. Recently at a Whitson Backyard Toss Mary was seen hitting multiple nine-point rounds in very timely moments. On the right day these two will beat you. But without a doubt these two already claim the Nicest Team in the field and that goes a long way in this game.

Oski Wow Wow

Walter Malone-White & Evan Malone-White Heart ache losses in back-to-back tournaments, these two are starting to feel the pressure of that the tournament offers. Evan felt that it was time to leave the Bay Area and return home to get in some better training down closer to home. Our scouts caught up with Harry recently where he stated “Evan has really shown an improvement in his game. He’s throwing like a man on a mission, and he’ll be damned to go out like he has in the past. If he plays like he’s been playing, he could win.” Walter has been seen practicing daily at the infamous Glen Yard where he’s created a unique training plan that simulates real game experience. “Most of us think that you when practice alone you toss all six washers, but really the key is to throw three just like a game,” Walter told us after an hour of tossing. He’s starting to find his range and has made several timely clutch shots in the summer series run up to the tournament. “I want to be able to make the shots we need, and my training method is getting me ready to go for the big moments. I’m confident and my game will speak for itself,” Walter says. The scouts are ready for these two to be a real confident team that when locked in will be just as tough as any team we will see at the tournament.

Santa Barbara Commission Against Eastern Intrusion (SBCAEI)

Shawn Mallen & Dan McKeown By way of the great city of Santa Barbara, the Santa Barbara Commission Against Eastern Intrusion is not only throwing for personal glory, but more importantly calling attention to advancement the tragedy in Eastern Europe overly weekly beers. As the only two members of SBCAEI, Dan and Shawn ready to bring attention to their cause by rabbing a weekly beer together. Our scouts recently took a trip up the coast to get the run down on these two: After years of resisting a traditional throw, Shawn has finally decided to learn the classic toss and put down his “Patented Pancake Toss.” To add further pain, Shawn went on record by saying, “There appears to be some kind of embargo on Holey Board in Santa Barbara, [but] we have spent hours visualizing every shot in advance, so we are unaffected by a lack of ‘playing the game.’” Meanwhile Dan decided to take a family trip back to the homeland of British Isles. We are unsure if there is ample time to practice between taking care of the young Chuck in between family shots in Scotland. We were able to find a way to talk with him where he has told us “All I want is money shots and to end legacies this July.” If Dan can become the quarterback, he knows he can be, he’ll be ready for the big day. These two might not have practiced like others in the tournament, but do not be fooled these two know the game well and will put up a big fight in any match they play in.

Are You Drunk Yet?

Maddie Hulbert & James Forshaw If you didn’t answer yes, go grab another beer. You get it? Great! Let’s dive in… These two are new faces to the Al Whitson Memorial and either they are going to put on a show or are going to make sure that we all have one great time! James has put out a wild claim that he can take down the Legendary Mary Malone-White in an Irish Car Bomb. While that skill has zero correlation on a Holey Board game, we admire his confidence and know that it will help him dig deep in critical situations while out on the boards. All we hope is that this tournament rivals the best day of his life - driving a tractor. Maddie having been around the game a bit longer and knows the ins and outs of this game. By making the big decision to move up Culver City to be in the action of it all, she wants to take that energy and apply it to a big day on the Holey Boards. At the recent summer backyard series Maddie was seen to be finding her rhythm and becoming a big-time player winning multiple games with massive shots. She is extremely competitive and really wants to have her time in the tournament filled with extreme moments so she can enjoy the glory of the winning. The scouts agree that these two will compete hard and create challenges for most of the teams.

Friends With A Lawyer

Syd Shoaf & Brett Ware Water. Earth. Fire. Air… Long ago the four nations lived together in harmony. Then everything changed when the fire nation attacked. Good thing for us Syd and Brett are Friends with a Lawyer so we can take those aggressors to court. By channeling the great Avatar Aang Brett and Syd are relying on finding a way to use the Avatar state to be competitive. While it’s a strategy that has a lot of upsides, it would be tragic to see these two achieve a higher state of being only to be knocked out and end the Avatar cycle. Syd has been uncharacteristically tight lipped about his plans leading up to the tournament, telling us “I’m only hear so I don’t get fined” when asked for comments. We do know that he is sneaky competitive and is wanting to put on show for the Pacific Northwest West. Brett however is taking a more stoic approach to the tournament claiming, “Sometimes life is like a tunnel. You can’t always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you keep moving, you will come to a better place.” Let’s hope for our Friends with a lawyer the tunnel is the holey boards, and the light is washers. Yip Yip.

The Greasy Bastards

Matty Hazelwood & Paul Trujilo-Langdon Two of the only people at the tournament big enough to take on Harry - physically. Learning everything that they know about Holey Board from the GOAT himself, Matty and Paul are throwing out of the vaunted San Luis Obispo area. When we sent our team to meet with them, we found out that Harry has cut them off and they have been playing with “smashed tin cans and holes in concrete cells” to prepare for this tournament. Paul is so confident in his game that he has put out a warning shot to all of Redondo, “Be ready Redondo, the grease tsunami is coming, and there is no high ground left.” Matty is equally confident in his ability to play high level Holey Board and to win a ring for those cut from the grease, “Some people try to stay away from the grease. Some are even scared of the grease. Us…we were born in the grease, and we look forward to bringing the grease to Big Harry’s [yard] and taking down the champ.” As disciples of Harry, we are confident that these two are ready to make a big run and will not back down from any team they have to go through.

Lethal Shooters

Josh Lewis & Andrew Borst When you put together a team of two cool individuals that will grind out results and have the best time possible doing it you get, you get Lewis and Borst. While it may be there first time getting called up to the tournament, their fiery competitive nature will keep them in many matches. Our scouts tell us that these onetime co-workers had caught on very quickly to the nature of the game. Borst told the team, “We’re approaching the game without bias and really going at it with open eyes. What might work for one team, might not work for everyone, you know?” They have been holding closed door practices, so we are unsure if there is a specific strategy but when we got them playing at an introductory back yard challenge this spring, these two went toe-to-toe with some of the better players that this tournament has to offer. We know the talent is there, it’s just a matter of finding the right juice for tournament stretch run. The ever-confident Josh Lewis however was found to have booked a trip to Hawaii just after the tournament. When asked if this was for pre-planned celebratory trip, Lewis said, “Let’s just say I’m only going to Hawaii with a trophy in my hand.” We like these two to be a challenging pool play team with playoff potential and the lives of the party when the band starts playing!

Opposites Attract

Dane Matich & Perry Corkos If you know Dane and Perry, you’re probably thinking that the team’s name is very fitting. But I’m here to tell you after getting to know them, our scouts are thoroughly confused because really, they are two peas in a pod. But we’re not here to discuss team names we are here to talk about the play style. Dane is still searching for the right partner, and Perry will now be his third partner in as many attempts at capturing glory. When our scouts caught up with him at his new beach house Dane said, “Live by the three, die by the three” - not sure if in reference to his third partner or the three hole - “In the few sessions I’ve had I can confidently say that I’ve still got it.” He’s got his eyes set on taking out Spencer and Chris. While Dane’s game is more offensive, Perry is looking to be the all-time role player that every championship team needs: “My game is centered around consistency and playing defense to stretch out games. Cancels [are key] so my partner has a platform to build on.” Knowing your role is key to success at this level and these two have the right balance of offense and defense. If Dane can channel Perry’s consistency, these two might prove to be much more than just opposites attracting, they might be a match made in Holey Board glory.

Holey Bro’s

George Whitson & Andy Dynard In the biggest shakeup of the year, George has found himself in need of a new partner for this year’s tournament. Can Andy step up and fill the shoes left by the great Jake? Or will the pressure of joining a pre-tournament favorite prove to be too much for him? We can report that Jake stepped away this year after moving across the country and getting married this summer, so give the Kirchner’s a big hug for him and drink a beer! George is ready to give Andy the crash course on Holey Board in the few weeks leading up to the tournament and he has no cause for concern. We know that George is another all-around player capable of making all the big shots and we are not worried that a new partner will slow him down in his quest for that elusive ring. Will this new team be his Lebron to Miami moment or will the ring escape his grasp one more year? When watching him play recently we’ve noted how locked in he looks and that determination plus skill can let any player go on a tear throughout the tournament. As previously mentioned, Andy is in desperate need of a crash course in game play. Our scouts discovered recently that he hasn’t stepped on a board in over a year, at the time of reporting. But he has full confidence in his teammate, “George carried the team before, and he will continue to need to with me as his partner.” A partner oozing confidence into an all-time great might lead this team to winning it all. If you play them be very afraid and bring you’re A game if you want a chance at getting past them.

Off In Church

Lori-Anne Harbridge & Mike Harbridge Three years after a very disappointing showing L-A and Mike are back ready to give it another chance at finding Holey Board glory. Presumably, wanting to make the boards a new religion - which we will fully convert to if true - Off In Church will need a miracle to find the magic necessary to win a ring. In the lead up to the tournament these two are channeling ancient Chinese philosophy to find the balance needed be a dangerous team. Recently spotted out in Palm Springs to find inner peace. They’ve decided to take a trip out to Vegas to get in tune with the drinking side of the Holey Board tournament. Really Yin Yang if you ask us – again, how do we convert to the Church of Holey Board? Their game revolves around timely shot making and making sure you know that they are always ready to play for keeps. Keep your heads on should you be matched up against these two. In a recent sit down with these two, L-A told us, “[We’re] so confident, we don’t need practice.” Mike echoed that sentiment by saying, “All teams should be put on notice, we will flame out in a ball of glory, or win the whole F— tournament!!!” At the recent backyard games, Mike and L-A were seen taking out all the big names we have in this tournament and my scouts say that they are well prepared for a big time run this year. We expect a massive bounce back from last tournament and a deep and dangerous run out of these two.

Mom’s Off Duty

Sabrina Endicott & Daniel Kelly Separated by 2,779mi, a thirty-eight-day walk, distance is not an issue for Sabrina and Daniel. In fact, they think that it is an absolute positive that they must overcome the challenge in order to win some games in the tournament this year. While New York is known to many as the city that never sleeps, to DK it’s a city void of Holey Board tossers. He is fully confident that this will not be an issue. Over zoom he told us, “I’ll be sure to get some throws in before the big day. We’ve been game planning remotely, so we’ll be ready.” The hustle and bustle of the Big City will be invaluable in calming DK’s nerves throughout his tournament play. Out on the west coast, Sabrina is busy studying the habits of a champion. We found out she is dating current champion Spencer and he is teaching her the ropes. “Unfortunately, I’ve not been able to toss as much as I would like. But, seeing as I’m dating [Spencer], I might have a few tricks up my sleeve.” We think that the balance a bicoastal team brings to the boards will create for a team overflowing with chemistry and the attitudes of each city will be present in their play style. The energy and excitement of the big apple and the star power of the city of Angels. We expect these two to be challenging pool play teams and we if things fall right, they could be moving on to the knockout round.

Bowls Before Holes TM

Andrew Folks & Grant Pocius We first met this duo in San Diego 2021 and noticed their high skill in a plethora of games that require hand eye coordination. After that encounter my scouts in talks with the GOAT and the Commish knew that if we got these two on the boards that they would be a problem. After a year plus of trying to track them down, we finally got these rookies to take the leap and join this tournament. Grant and Andrew go all the way back to UCSB and have been able to compete in any skill game at a high level and are ready to try their luck at Holey Board. Grant, honestly told us, “I’m completely unworried an anticipate beginners’ luck to be enough to take us to the finals.” A bold claim, but we all know that luck plays a big factor in this game and being first to acknowledge that aspect will be important in getting these guys ready to play. Folks has been much tighter lipped with his expectations but knowing what my scouts have told me he’s gone from worst to first in several competitions his entered over the last year. We expect that if these two figure the complexities of Holey Board that they will be just as competitive as any team in the tournament. Rumors are circulating that Folks has gone record to say, “I’m nice at Holey Board.” Be cautious when playing these two.

BYE

Christian Kang & Tiago Perez Another new team to the competition that is honored by the opportunity to test their luck on the boards. They have not yet been seen practicing on the boards, and that is highly concerning to my scouts. However, they were invited and all the teams that were invited are competitive enough to make a run in this tournament. We can confirm that Perez has had to leave training camp due to positive test (Note: Training camp for these two was the first week of June, negative tests have been returned). During his time in isolation Perez zoomed us and said, “My mentality is unrivaled. I’m not worried about never playing this before. It’s easy. I’m different.” My scouts reported that the confidence was as high as any seasoned vet, but we know this game is not easy and we hope the Holey Board gods do not punish this first-time player. Kang meanwhile has been getting his body in prime physical shape to withstand the grueling rounds of the tournament. We have seen him bike and run all over Los Angeles in preparation, however he says, “I haven’t read he rules but I’m locked in and will get to the rules the night before.” Currently we think this team is more bark than bite, but when supreme confidence and physical ability meet on the boards anything is possible.

Five Shots

Patrick Borgerding & Garrett Klatte If you are reading this at the tournament, look around. See all the cool new Holey Board gear? That was Patrick! Reading this on the website? That was Patrick! We want to give Patrick a special shoutout here! Thanks Buddy! But you are not reading this for words of gratitude, are you? Patrick, while new to the tournament, brings an elite hand eye skill set that this game has not seen before. Honing his skills as former Yo-Yo champion, he’s skill set has translated smoothly to the boards and in several games this summer he’s been seen dominating anyone who has challenged him. He’s locked in and ready to break on to the scene. His partner, Garrett, recently had a change of form. Quickly adapting to the tried-and-true method of washer tossing, he’s already found his form and is more than capable of carrying his weight for this team. In a joint statement these two say, “We are the dark horses of the tourney! We are getting a board soon and we will have a rigorous ten-day practice schedule [leading up to the tournament].” My scouts agree that having never played before that they might be seen as dark horses, but from the summer lead up these two should be taken seriously as any team in the tournament.

Medina Sod

Erik Danyrd & Drew Dockser Erik and Drew channel the energy of RuPaul’s Drag Race winner Aquaria with the team moto “Any hole is a goal.” Known for fierce energy and being just as cool as The Dude. Scouts haven’t been able to track them down to see any recent play from Medina Sod, but history tells us that when Erik and Drew get on a roll that they will have just as much fun as any other team out there on the boards. Drew did tell us, “I’m excited. I haven’t practiced at all. I actually have never held a washer. But I’m excited and focused.” Another player hoping for some luck to make or break his tournament we expect Drew to get all the right bounces and be a player at tournaments end that the people are talking about. To offset Drew, Erik is ready and willing to take the step forward as a more complete player and toss at the highest level. “Our goal is to win. Make no mistake,” he told us. That’s the confidence of someone who is ready to win and pull out all the big shots when they are needed. We expect this couple to come ready to play and show the world that they are capable of big time play on the biggest stage.

Didn’t See Us Coming!

Jan Whitson & Emma Hodges The Queen of the Holey Boards, Jan Whitson, came into this summer without a partner. But then she spotted it. “I spotted the athletic talent. I made an offer that [Emma] couldn’t refuse.” Emma has been on the radar for some time now and after a dominant run at this year’s crawfish broil she made the decision to take her talents to play with the Queen of the boards. Emma will rely on her division one athletic background to carry her. She is known to dish out the talk with the best of them and no moment is too big for this girl. Emma will bring the energy to this team and Jan will bring the experience. Jan told us, “I’ve been playing since 1988. Training for years it’s all skills. I’m confident in my ability and Emma has the same gumption as I did at that age. We are ready for the big time.” We’ve seen both these two play in big games all summer long and have no doubt that the practice will be useful in this tournament. If things fall right this year, the Queen will have found her Princess and these two will be putting themselves in a great position to win every time that they step onto the boards. “We have ice in our veins, cool and relaxed. We will be the team that others say, ‘We didn’t see them coming!’”

Schrute Farms

Keanu Capper & Kevin Capper Success tends to breed success. Schrute farms is hoping that claiming the winter classic title will help them out in this summer’s major tournament. Historically speaking, the winner of the winter classic has been able to make a big run in the tournament. So that win is either a great sign or will the pressure of success get to these two? We caught up with Kevin down at Schrute Farms: “I’ve been training daily getting my arm motion at peak performance. Been working on my body to be at its very best for a fifty-year-old. We won the winter classic, so we are out for another big WIN!” The scouts were thoroughly impressed with what we saw from Kevin. His toss was good as we’ve seen from anyone and just as impressively, we saw that he was backing up all his talking with timely throws. He looks ready to cement his name into the history books. Keanu took up the Mr. Miyagi approach and he said, “I’m fine tuning my accuracy with all sorts of training. Such as Darts, corn hole and spike ball. We are coming for that summer title and its time to come out blazing for Big Al.” Scouts absolutely love the cross-training approach as it sharpens the mind in preparation for the tournament. However, it might leave some skill to be desired with the true Holey Board toss. But, we are not worried that Keanu won’t show up when it matters most this summer. With lots of pressure coming off the winter win, we think that these two are up to the challenge to make a big run in the Al Whitson Memorial.

Just Tap It In

Garrett Harbridge & Luma Mina As famed Holey Board and Golf coach Chubbs once said, “All you got to do is just tap it in.” And after signing the famed coach to help out Luma and Garrett these two are hoping that their happy place will be on the boards. We know that Garrett comes from a long line of accomplished players and his skills make it clear that he is ready for the big day. “When locked in, we beat my parents in a timely fashion. We know that they have the respect of the field, and we are better than they are.” After seeing Garrett dominate a backyard session the scouts confirm that he’s not just talking to talk, his game shows up as well. Garrett is a big-time player that will not be phased by anything. While Garrett’s skill comes from a long line of players, Luma recently got a quick lesson from the GOAT and all the sudden her game has taken a massive step forward. “I’ve been taking my training super seriously,” she said. “My eyes are set on gold and am ready to do whatever it takes to help bring home the win.” The scouts love the extreme confidence from these two and think its time for a new generation to take over on the biggest stage. Any team that must play these two will have to be very focused or Luma and Garrett will easily walk away with a win.

Sluts Against Sweeps

Liana Marin & Micah Ezzes Holey board has always been a place for taking stands against things we dislike. When two people join up to play for a cause bigger than themselves greatness tends to follow. Liana and Micah are not only playing for personal glory but to make sure the world knows the sluts will take a stand against sweeps. If they cannot get a win, they will do everything in their power to make sure they score some points to help bring their cause to the forefront. Liana is the competitive one of the two. She hates losing as much as any player out here this weekend and is ready for the tournament to see her skills. Micah is taking a slightly more relaxed approach to the competition, but scouts report saying he comes off as calm, but he is out there to make sure that everyone knows he is not to be messed with on the boards. After some training sessions this summer, in a joint statement these two said, “Training has been intense: blindfolded, behind the back, over a moat of alligators, wearing nothing but fishnets. These sluts will not be swept! We are ready for all the competitors in this competition.” We have seen them beat all challengers all summer long and the scouts ensure us that Liana and Micah will bring their A game to the tournament. A good cause and two good players should result in good play from these two.

The Team Formerly Known As Princess Consuela Banana Hammock

Jonica Pendergest & Hannah Cesario Breaking news: Marley Capper will not be able to attend the tournament. And to replace her Jonica has turned to Hannah to replace her former teammate. To honor her former teammate Jonica is keeping the original team’s name and has dedicated all wins to Marley. While Marley being gone is a big absence, Hannah is more than capable of stepping in and being an all-time player. The girlfriend of Harry Whitson, Hannah has been training hard all summer and is ready for the world to see her skills. She said “I had a feeling I may be added to a team. I might have to wing it, but I am ready to step up and help my team win.” Jonica was originally bummed out that Marley could not attend, but since acquiring Hannah she said, “I am super pumped and know Hannah will be a great player. We want to dedicate our success to Marley and will do everything we can to win for her.” This team has seen the best play all year round and knows how to play the game at the highest level. We except that winning for Marley will eb the driving force in great success out on the holey boards.

Burger King

Robbie Burdekin & Kyle McManus Last year Robbie sat down and decided that to be ready for the tournament this year a change of scenery would be necessary to get ready. So, he packed up from Georgia and in August moved back to Southern California and have been getting ready to play. “The move was chaotic but good. Life’s been good right now and we are just working and training for holey board. We think that this move has really helped us get ready for the tournament,” they told our scouts. Upon arrival in California, he linked up quickly with Kyle McManus to create his team. Kyle brings a lot of pure energy out to the board and has really helped Robbie find his passion for the game again. Since training camp started, we’ve seen nothing put joy and fun from these two out on the boards; they do everything they can to embody the true spirt of holey board. My scouts tell me that playing the game the right way is key to success. Kyle will also bring some much-needed experience to the team. He’s played through several big situations and is now ready to take on the challenge of the tournament. We see them as a team that will be a tough out.

The Vossoughi’s

Jason Vossoughi & Darcy Falvey In on last stop before their big day in two weeks’ time, Jason and Darcy are hoping their wedding celebration starts with rings! Taking the game back to square one Jason and Darcy built their own boards so that they can practice. Board creation takes time and patience, and they hope that the lessons learned from building their own boards will help them in their quest to get rings before the rings. Darcey is starting to show signs of that she has the game down and Jason has been seen to give George a real test on the boards. We know their chemistry will be solid as they compete. The scouts discovered that they anticipate that a victory at the tournament will be accompanied with a big trip to Hawaii. We admire the confidence that planning a victory trip brings. My scouts say that the act of building boards and planning a victory trip bring both the confidence and the traditions of the game to its forefront and expect a big showing from Jason and Darcy as they prepare for the rest of their lives!

Menace to Sobriety

Isabella Di Ruocco & Elliot Johnson Wild rumors coming out of Menace to Sobriety’s camp leading up to the tournament. They have been working on the other half of this game – drinking – just as much as their tossing. Our scouts have said they are ready to hang through the tough day ahead to make sure they survive every round. We absolutely love going fully into the side of the game that many people underestimate. Along with being able to compete with George, Isabella and Elliot are ready for the world to see their holey board game. While the did not allow our scouts into camp, so we haven’t seen them play yet, Jason and Isabella having been getting in good practice leading up to the big day. “We’re ready for a nice clean competition. Fair play is crucial. We are not afraid of any team and want to beat the best to be the best,” they did tell us after a grueling practice session. We expect them to play hard and party harder. Our scouts tell us that they will bring us all in their attempt to bring down sobriety! Look for big shots in every aspect of the game!

No Gutz, No Glory

Laurel Gutierrez & Jesse Gutierrez Hands down the smartest couple in the whole tournament. All that means is No Gutz, No Glory will have every single high-level strategy locked down. During the tournament being able to calculate out all the possible end games in real time is a real game changer. We did not get the security clearance to get our scouts out to their practice sessions but needing high security access needed to get any quotes on how training has been going. But from what we’ve seen in this past we’ve seen these two come out and compete to be the very best team that they can possibly be. Since we haven’t been able to watch them this year, we do not have much insight into their high level game strategy. That said we know they will be a highly competitive team and make every game a challenge for their competitors.

Pizzuti Squared

Vinny Pizzuti & Don Pizzuti “We’ve been putting things in holes…golf balls in golf holes,” Vinny Pizzuti after walking off the course this weekend. That’s all we need to know about the Pizzuti’s head space as we go into the tournament. We admire the mental fortitude it takes to be really good at golf. That mindset should translate really well to the holey board. Vinny went on to say, “As a Child of God, I know that His outcome will be my outcome.” The Pizzuti’s are former finalists in this tournament, which means that we know that they can play this game at the highest level. Don brings a lot of experience to this team. He’s seen every scenario, and nothing really bothers him anymore. Vinny meanwhile brings the energy for this team. That combination of experience and energy has always translated well to big outcomes on the boards. We fully expect that they will be in every match. My scouts say that they have been also out on the boards often and are finding the correct range. Watch out for these formal finalists.

2 Sons of Pitches

Bob Gariepy & Dave Rameriez Two of the feisty players we’ve ever seen out on the boards. Bob and Dave bring some much-needed humor to the game which helps disarm their opponents and allow them to keep a very cool head. In the run-up to the tournament we have seen these two step on the boards and make several big shots. The scouts tell me, “Bob and Dave are hungry to prove that they are legit contenders. In every skill game that they play, they compete. We’ve yet to see them have a moment that is too big for them. We expect a very competitive outing from the two of them.” They also know that the beer will be flowing regardless of the outcomes of their contests – meaning more good times and great moments throughout. We expect these two will have a solid chance of getting into the knockout stage where from there we know that anything can happen. Enjoy their good times and be careful not to miss the magic of a Dave and Bob team.

Team Kara & Steve

Steve La Cour & Kara Gariepy A new team to the competition this year. Kara and Steve are absolute legends of the South Bay and have consistently shown big time play ability. In the last moments of the summer scouting tour our scouts caught them in action. “While many teams in the tournament would want to play with the joy and passion that we you would expect from someone playing this lovely game, Kara and Steve play it at a level that is much higher than anyone else we’ve seen. They may not be the most technically sound or the most experienced in the pressure cooker of the tournament. But we’ve seen them play big time players and they didn’t bat an eye. We love this team and really want them to succeed. We think they are ready for the challenge.” Kara and Steve should not be discounted this tournament. Expect solid games and lots of fun form them afterwards.

Hold the Phone

Mark Kirchner & Lori Danyrd Make your own rules, make your own luck. Mark is the king of my boards, my rules. And every board at this tournament are his. Both Mark and Lori have sons who are or have gotten married this summer, so their lives are full of love. Please share a great moment with them both to celebrate their children! We've seen Mark and Lori several times this offseason at the backyard tournaments and they have been getting good practice in. Lori and Mark exude high levels of confidence which bodes well for making a deep run throughout the tournament. If you are looking to throw Lori off her game, ask her about her mother son dance at the wedding. She’s still searching so give her a great song. Mark if he is out early will start contemplating the next meat he will smoke. Since retiring Mark has taken his meat smoking to the next level. As the tournament nears, we hope that they get a few more games in to really hone their skills. We expect lots of fun out there on the boards from these two.

Team Unknown

Player A & Player B Mysterious. Puzzling. Fantastic. Terrible. Beastly. Dreadful. You know as much as we do. Could be amazing. Could flame out. Come find out and cheer.

Harry & Adam

BACK TO BACK TO BACK! THE GREATEST SHOT EVER! THE GREATEST TEAM EVER! These two are Holey Board royalty. Is there anything that these two need to prove at this point? Harry is already a Holey Board legend. He’s trying to cement his legacy as the greatest to ever throw a washer. His ability to drink and toss at unprecedented levels continues to be the driving foundation of this team. World Champion Adam in the Adult Drinking league has been rounding into form these last few months as he prepares for another deep run. This team will only lose if somehow, someway they get lost on the way to the tournament. Champs are back again, looking to win it all.

Jake & John

This is a blast from the past for my scouts. While my team has crossed paths with both of these two over the years, seeing them back together in the tournament could be special. Jake comes in with a solid ERA (Earned Rings Average) – the number of times points canceled and stolen per 3 washers thrown – at a 2.24. This pool gives him chance to improve on that ratio. John brings a solid inside play, but his outside shooting (.08% on 5 point conversions) really might hinder this teams’ performance. Look for these two to add even more depth to a solid pool.

Kevin & Keanu

Team Capp is back and ready to go this year. After last years' surprise run, this team is looking to improve and should be a fun team to match up against. Kev is a south bay legend with an arm to match. While he looks intimidating, he's really just putting on a front. My sources are cold on his offseason work, so look for him to be boom or bust. Keanu, meanwhile, is coming off the off season of his life. Recently crowned champ of the T12 karaoke league - meaning he's looking to party with the band once this tournament wraps up. If this team can stay focused on tossing washers instead of singing and throwing baseballs they should be a really tough team to beat.

Jordan & Riley

The man with all the ticket hook-ups at staples - tournament official warning: you ask about it, you get banned from playing next year - and his girlfriend. Both rumored to be on a small island the last year preparing. My scouts have not actually seen them play together, but we are hearing rumors that this team could surprise a few people. Riley has done an amazing job hiding her playing ability, I hope she can drink and talk s--- because she’ll need to at least bring that to make sure that her team has a chance at any kind of upsets.

Mike & Lori-Ann

Just buy ear plugs if you end up on Mike’s side. He's taken his s--- talking game to the next level this offseason. Front office execs think this is an area to improve, but if it works, we will never hear the end of it, By The Way! LA is locked in. Scouts, rivals, this reporter, basically everyone has seen the work she's put in. But she might be distracted with her son joining the tournament, so look for that to be her kryptonite. This team falls atop the dark horse list - if they are hot it’s a tough team to beat. But if they get cold, will they be able to talk their way out of it?

Jan & Jen

The Fisher Court moms. The two people who, when they are in the room, you know they are there – the fun has arrived! Jen is trying to find any type of Brady magic this summer. She’ll really need to channel her inner GOAT to actually help this team out this tournament or maybe she’ll find a pair of stilts to shoot on our level? Jan has been firing warning shots at fellow competitors all summer. She is known to step up and take charge of her team. Jan has also been coaching all summer and looks to guide her team to easy wins as she’ll be the (insert to Football Coach Name Here) to Jen’s Brady. Also she’s the host. So from the bottom of our hearts, Thank You! So either you’ll lose to this team or be promptly told to “get the f--- out!”

Nick & Gus

Analytics love this teams. You pair two tanks together and the APG (Alcohol per Go) skyrocket. If a team can keep putting back beers, the stats show they are guaranteed to have one great time. Coming off an extremely lucky raffle win last year this team should be practiced and ready to play. We are hearing rumors from sources very close to this team that, if temperatures reach above 85 degrees, we could be in for some shirtless holey board. Look for this team to be sneaky in this pool and potentially cause some havoc in the knockout round.

Barry & Alex

Two Fisher Court legends here. Barry and Alex bring the looks and the accents and are all by accounts fan favorites. Alex is coming off a great showing last year, but is probably still off his game after America just celebrated the whopping of his home country - pro tip: start a USA chant and he'll be rocked. That said, the brits drink so that won't be an issue for him. Barry, on the other hand, will be deep in his cowboy blues looking for love. Seriously, hide your wives, daughters, loved ones, etc. The cowboy might be distracted this tournament. This team finds itself a top the all s--- talking rankings and looks to make a deep run. Look for a semi-final berth if all falls to the right.

Jimmy & Preston

The good ole’ ball coach and his boy. This team is highly motivated and a tad competitive. This team is a great front-running team boasting an incredible FOW (Frist on Washers) of 69%. If this team shoots first, they are scoring and scoring often. Pro-tip: practice up on rock, paper, scissors if you play these guys. This team should be able to hold their own in all areas of the game and be competitive. It’ll be interesting to see how they play when behind and inebriated. Look for them to compete for a spot in the Round of 16.

Robin & Mary

The most lovable team in the entire tournament – and it’s not even close. Mary is steadily improving, but will need to lock in on a form come tournament time. She can definitely hold her own in the social aspect of the game. Look for her to take full advantage of her opponents here. Robin will be the rock of this team again. She’s been really good in pre-season play and will have to continue her great play for this team to have a chance this year. With the luck of the Irish and the Robin Bobin magic, they will get at least one big win this year.

David & Ryan

Another duo coming out of the SLO training camp. Scouts tell us that this team will be sneaky competitive, but also really drunk. These two are our runners up for the team drinko award. They boast a really solid DRPM (Drinks Rapidly Poured out on Mustangs), a metric revolving on quickly drinking beer. If this team can channel their inner ability to be good at sports and drinking, this team will make a solid run and catch a lot of teams off guard. We project them as a quarterfinal team.

Will & Brett

A team destined for the stoner HoF. I think this team made a solid case to get placed higher up the ranking; not sure if that case has come down yet – ok no more bad stoner jokes. Will recently got into law school, and has been seen studying all the bylaws and precedents that have ever occurred during the long history of the game. Just know, he’ll be wrong and appeal to a higher power. Brett is really going to have to lock in here in order to give this team a chance. If they catch a bit of fire similar to last year, then they should be pretty tough to knock out. Look for this team to make a run to the knock-out round.

Bob & Shannon

BREAKING NEWS: Sons of Pitches lost a team member this year, Tom is out! Bob will team up with his lovely wife, Shannon. To our knowledge, Shannon has played a few times and she could be a ringer. The real challenge for these two will be to get on the same page. If they can get their chemistry together, they should be good. We hope that Bob will be able to cope with the loss of his long-time teammate. We hope that this late-breaking news doesn’t change your preparations too much. Look for this team to be competitive in pool play.

Garrett & Matthew

The two years away from being two years away team of the tournament. These two young guns have been in the waiting room for some time hoping to get a call up to the majors. Finally sneaking into the tournament, look for the youngsters to flash signs of brilliance. Garrett, by the way, is the son of two tournament staples. The question is can he talk the talk like those who raised him? Matthew - another Pullman native - has the street clamoring to see if he is the next big thing. My sources rave about his freakish upside, but know his raw potential will likely pan out. Look for these two to dominate in the late 2020s.

Matt & Stephanie

Another long off-season brings this team back to the tournament. Last years’ performance left this team looking for answers. We found out that Matt’s pool game did not translate as well as projected and we hope that he looked for a new coach to shape up his throwing game. Stephanie is back to party and have a ton of fun with the rest of the festivities that the tournament has to offer. We actually like the same projection as last year for this team: Look for these two to make a good pool play and then to have way too much fun the rest of the day.

George & Jake

The boys are back again to try to capture that ever-so-elusive crown that they so desperately covet. The Tournament Commissioner is trying to bribe any official possible in order to make it happen this year. His partner, Jake, is soaking up all the sun rays out in ‘Zona’ and has the weather advantage to get in year-round practice. It’s no secret that these two can toss washers with the best of them and that they will be in the race again this year. With so much pressure, any missteps could cause an irreparable rift between George and Jake. So it’s championship or bust for these two.

Dan & Shawn

How a Hippy and an Irish Boy teamed up is beyond me, yet here we are. Dan, a true Irish lad, has his liver ready to go for lots of day drinking. Rumors are swirling about his desire to transition to Football and play QB. That throwing motion is dangerous for tossing. Shawn will have his mind on the waves. Shawn is another Pullman boy, so we know where he stands on certain metrics. But more than anything, sources want to make it clear that he is from the most beautiful place in the world: Redondo (Santa Barbara is not even close, smh, what a jerry). This team got a lucky draw and is primed to take full advantage. Look for a possible knock-out stage appearance.

Tiana & Katherine

Ahh, Team Girlfriend joins the competition. These two should make a good paring. Sources close to Katherine are saying that she has really good stamina – she runs marathons, seriously – but holds no real other athletic ability. That, combined with an aversion to shots, makes Katherine an interesting player. Tiana should have the most experience on this team and her love of board games is really going to have to translate to this board game if this team will have a shot. Her enjoyment of tequila and Deep Eddy Grapefruit Vodka will keep her afloat for the drinko awards.

Casey & Camm

Heard one of these two went to Costa. Don’t really have much more to say than that. Also, I tell my scouts to avoid that area and anyone associated with that player alone, so I have no clue how these two will actually fair. What we do know is that they were invited by the GOAT and the GOAT does not pass out invitations easily. So, let’s hope they don’t wear the wrong shade of green and that they come to play. These guys should be tough.

Chris & Spencer

The toughest challenge in sports: running it back after heart break. Chris and Spencer look to make one more run before their championship window is hampered by actually being able to drink. Sources say Spencer is highly motivated after being taken down by THE SHOT. His downside, being left handed - are we sure lefties are good? Chris comes in with the highest WHIP (Washers Holed per Ingested Patron) so it'll take a lot to get him off his game. But once he's rocked, he's rocked. Chris is also rumored to have tape on his finger in the weeks leading up to the tournament - Kobe play or actual injury? Guess we have to wait to see. The two frat boys need to capitalize on this championship window. It is championship or bust, let's just hope they celebrate better this year.

Zach & Paul

A SLO duo that came to play last year. This team was incredibly tough and was seeded way below what their talent proved. Living with the GOAT gets them the access to the best training facility in the world and they should be back and ready to go this year. Two absolute units these guys are also atop our drinko list. We are giving the nod to take back the most as a collective team. With those two aspects of the game locked in, these guys might let their game do all the s--- talking for them. But most likely they’ll talk a bunch as well. This team wants a deep run and we tend to believe with them – best case scenario sees these two in the semis.

Mark & Lori

A team that is as classic as Jaeger on Christmas Eve. Unfortunately for Mark, he will not have his “Home Field Advantage” at the tournament. So he will have to step up and play the old fashioned way. Pre-season showings make him out to be ready and able for this tournament. Lori, on the other hand, is rumored to not have seen a washer since last year. She will have to rely on all her past experiences to help Mark out in any way possible. From what I do know, this team has the best chemistry in the field and, when the washers bounce the right way, this team is tough. Look for these guys to be out early though.

George & Kenny

Interesting duo in this pairing. Our deep intelligence has had very bad luck with getting info from George’s camp, but Kenny has been surprisingly open with the press. What we have heard is that George returned to Florida to work on a device to sink the washers – rules committee has not ruled on legality. What we do know for sure is that he has a stellar jumper and, if that translates to washers, he’ll be a force. Kenny, meanwhile, has been seen all over the USA this summer and even told us, “This is my best life and I’m great at this game.” We were playing Jenga. Anyway, Kenny is going to have to find something to help this team or it’ll be an early out. Strangely, they decided on blasting Kanye all off season in order to channel the fire needed to be competitive – hopefully they switch back to Bruce once games start. Should be the most fun team in the tournament.

Don & Vinny

The lovable Italians coming back for one more go. Sources tell me that Don is contemplating retirement and will be a HoF lock. If he can recapture form from a few years ago, then this team should be really good. That said, and knowing their shadiness, the Pizzutis could be trying to pull a fast one on us all and Don is just trying to get us to look the wrong way. Vinny is still talking. I moved 300 miles away and I can still hear him. He's the top contender for the silver tongue award - s--- talk/per round played award. He sits solidly at a .99 ratio in that metric, which is only rivaled by Mike at a .95. If they capture magic in a bottle, this team is going to be good, but if Don is serious about hanging up his washers, then this will be the end for an all-time team.

Andy & Erik

Double the brother, double the trouble. Sources tell me that Erik has been exclusively watching USWNT highlights to learn how to talk the talk and walk the walk - great strategy if you ask me. If he can channel his inner Megan Rapino mixed with the flashiness of Rupaul, then he will shine as bright as any star - his game just might not match. Andy should add the back bone of high quality s-- talk and solid play. Sources tell me this team needs to hit the practice boards a lot this week. Look for them to be another solid team in this years' tournament.

Brandon & James

Another new team to the tournament this year’s tournament. Brandon is a beer drinker by day and night. This gives us good reason to believe that he will survive until the end of the edition. Sources say, James is a wild card that could be horrible at holey board or might be only “kinda” bad. The worst part about this team is that Brandon likes the Broncos. These guys could find the hot hand and make the playoffs if washers land their way and their WOBP (Washer on Board Percentage) is above 63.2%. Look for a few big moments in group play, but for these two to ultimately sit down early.

Patrice & Michelle

Team East Coast is here for the summer and looking to show the world how Beasts in the East play. Coming in on EST (Earned Shots Taken), they might have to adjust back three early ones to get on the same page as the rest of us. Sources are confirming with us that these two have missed a lot of practice time this year and that is going to cost them on the boards. We think that they will be able to compete on the drinking side, which will go a long way in their group. We project an early-round exit followed by one great time from these two social favorites.

Bill & Vinny

This team is just big. Sources say they are trying to figure out how to cause earthquakes during their opponent’s toss and have been spotted training with Poseidon. Bill hails from the land of many lakes and, as one of fourteen, he knows how to share, but trust us he never learned how to lose and is ultra-competitive. My sources reporting on Vinny actually got caught in one of those earthquake attempts and couldn’t report back, so he’s a full wildcard. Look for this team to contend in pool play and maybe sneak a win in the knock-out stage as well.

Lynette & Kennedy

How’s the rest of the world? This team has been on a world tour looking for any advantage that they can find. They do like to run up the score really high. Kennedy has been around enough at this point to know what she has gotten herself into. My sources tell me that she is ready to talk the talk with the best of them and we just hope that her game backs all those words up. Lynette will have to carry the team on this year, although her game may be inconsistent with her busy travel schedule. We think that she will be up for the task and is ready to play this season. Look for this team to be competitive this year, but bow out early.

Patrick & Jason

Another pair of newcomers to this year's edition. Have you checked out Holey-board.com? Pat made it, it's cool. Sources tell me, he hired a shooting coach going into the final week of the off season and that he has made the leap to formidable player. My sources are concerned about his tossing ability once the drinks start flowing. Jason might be the rawest player outside of the two years away from being two years away duo. Also, he's a big load management guy - strange tactics when it's only two a side, but we will see how it plays out. My sources say this is a year to grab experience and this team is going to be a sneaky, tough out in pool play.

Megan & Peyton

Both hail from the Shallcross family; they are first-timers in the tourney, but they have been trained and mentored by the GOAT. As we know, if you train with Harry, you have to be kind of good, right? They need to have a great DTG (Drink to Game) ratio if they want to make it all the way this year. Most teams average in the 1.2 – 2.5 range and if this team can find itself on the middle end of that range they should be good to go. Megan and Peyton look to really surprise a few people here and should win a game or two.